It Takes Two to Partner (PTSD)

book1Last night I was terrified—watching you hunched over in the chair not responding.

Flashbacks to a moment I never saw, a moment I was not apart of.

The color completely drained from your face, you were refusing to go to the doctor so I brought security to you.

Once upon a time, my mother brought my father to a 3rd world hospital emergency style,

but he didn’t make it.

I just can’t risk a life without you to lean on, to love on.

I just can’t risk being without.

I’ve seen life without the love of your life, and it’s so much harder. So much sadder.

So much harder than it already is.

But you kept refusing to keep your eyes open.

“I only need some fresh air,” you mumbled through fumbling lips.

Between me and you, I can’t have that. I can’t have risk, chance, possibility.

I can’t chance being without.

So I’ve spent my life putting myself in charge of the way my life should be, and I chose you

five years ago this September.

So when it comes to your health and what we can manage, it needs to be taken care of now.

Taken care of today. Because tomorrow could be too little too late.

And that’s not a possibility. I just won’t have it.

I will take care of you day in and day out until death do us part—but please don’t risk

unnecessarily.

You are my partner in life and crime and I refuse to let you leave me alone.

But it takes two to partner.

9.15.12

This was written after my boyfriend almost fainted after painting an entire room without proper air circulation. He kept saying he was fine, but I knew he wasn’t. I called an ambulance. Luckily, by the time the EMTs arrived he had come to and was fine.

From several major life events, I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It triggers me to immediately reference other past experiences that have caused similar emotions. It’s difficult to cope with at times, but I try my best to spin these moments into something positive in one way or another. I encourage you to do the same.

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