For Loved Ones Lost

Everyone who knew you, loves you.
Everything you were, lives on through us.
Your body is gone, but your life remains in our hearts.
You are in our actions and in our kindness;
Your benevolence will continue through us.
We will be strong for you,
Because you are our strength.
Because we can still laugh with you,
We know we are okay.
When we think of your smile, we smile.
And that’s how we know we have been blessed.

November 2010

Written for Matthew Ryan Dalling’s Memorial Card

Sisters of Mercy

The voice on the other end of a telephone always sets the tone of the conversation to be had.

Ms. Bubbico resides here in the main office, with a recent important transplant from the admissions office… Sister Janice.

Sister Janice, a Sister of Mercy, let my family feel comfortable and secure when she invited my other half, my sister Rita, to attend Lauralton Hall.

It was late in the year; it did not matter.

We had no money– she would arrange everything.

It was very dark; my father had just died a few weeks before in Nicaragua.

She showed us light.

She gave my family our first taste of Mercy Spirit.

She alone set the tone of the conversations that I’ll be having for the rest of my life.
April 2006

Bachelorette Gift

A true blessing only gifted to some:
Wedding bells that are soon to come.
The anticipation and planning are coming to an end,
But the true beginning is just around the bend.

A dark-haired girl with flowers in her hair
Matched with a blonde boy who helped put them there.
Holding hands, wiping tears, kindly consoling all of your fears,
Growing closer through all of the years.

Two families and many friends will come together at last
To admire what we’ve seen bloom in the time that has passed.
A Valentine rose turned into a family, a life;
He has already given you gifts fit for a wife.

The strongest love is a love that grows,
From the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
Know today your friends are celebrating both of you,
As we patiently wait for you both to “I do.”

So take these next few moments to relax and feel at ease,
Know that we all love you and tonight we aim to please!
As soon as you’re done you’ll be ready to celebrate
As we start to get you ready for your next “big date”!
3.4.13

High School

High school is full of inexplicable growth, growing up before you feel ready to… before I knew what was really going on.

It’s feeling older too soon. It’s the first party you attend without parents around. It’s the first car ride with your friend at the wheel.

It is a weird time in your life… the time right before you have a firm idea of who you really are, what you are doing, or why you are doing it.

It comes before you want it, and sometimes you need it before you get it.
It’s wonderful and scary just the same.
April 2006

A Teenage Breakup

Once upon a time, I lived through other people. I lived through arguments and hand holding. I breathed through lungs that could hold more than air. I had shoes that would fit whatever two feet that were brought to me. And my heart beat fully and irrationally.

I was putty.

Life no longer lives in me. I search the eyes of everyone who passes. My kaleidoscope imagination gets the best of me every hour. My lungs hold only what my mind allows. My own feet are tangibly bare.

I am stone.

July 27, 2007

Vanity

When something is done in vain,
It does not yield the desired outcome.
Vanity is lacking substance or truth,
And exudes irreverence.
And that’s what makes this so heartbreaking.

It is so difficult to remember
that we cannot live in fear.
With both lives and limbs lost,
We mourn.
I find myself asking three times over:
How am I supposed to live,
If I cannot feel comfort in my own skin?
How do I remember love?

My brothers and sisters of Boston,
Damage has been done.
This ripple effect will be felt
Two worlds over
For many moons to come.
But we must be strong;
We will not, cannot, shall not be afraid.
We must remember:
We do not, will not, cannot understand why
because there is no reasoning behind hatred.
We must remember that hate begets hate,
That pain causes pain,
And fear makes others tremble.
We must remember why we remain strong.

This horrific act was a vain attempt to gather attention,
To wreak havoc on our hearts,
And break our spirit.
Together we must state,
Both loudly and clearly,
That it has not succeeded.

We have but one life to live,
Let us live it together with love and without fear.
April 14, 2013

Hope

As we rise here together, we hold our breath.
A new Father, a new hope;
The power to change the stagnant waters and raise a new love,
A pure love,
An honest love of others.
One world, one love, one nation under God.
A hope of teaching respect of all;
Acceptance despite religion, life choices, or nature.
A hope of banishing prosecution of others, because someone simply deemed it so,
And promoting love and kindness, because that is truly is in Your image.
I have such high hopes.
I pray that the truth will ring through the heavens
Unto our ears
And into our hearts.
Please, let this be what we’ve been waiting for.
Please let this be.
3.22.13

Hurricane

familyThis storm still has such a hold on me;

My head is clouded and I’m echoing,

echoing in my own head.

Repeating my own phrases again and again and again.

This full circle life we lead—

We live, we love, we leave. Never past tense. Always now. Always continued.

The movies, a party, a museum.

I promise I’ll say yes.

How many times can I wish I said yes?

A matter of distance, a matter of energy—

It just doesn’t matter anymore.

The memories we made will have to be enough.

You’re out of audible range, though I sometimes feel you near.

Now you’re everybody’s forever best friend.

Forever young.

The kind of love that belongs to a full-grown heart;

Eternal fondness.

This storm will continue to hold me.

Always now. Always happening.

Always love.

Because you are and always will be.

October 30, 2012

Missed Birthday

And when
you act
like I’m falling apart at the seams,
I wonder.

I wonder why I talk so fast,
I wonder why my speech is so pressured,
I wonder why I don’t just make sense to you.

It makes my blood boil;
It’s like my entire debate falls on deaf ears,
Because I can’t just calm down and be understood.

I struggle the most when I can’t get out of my own way to communicate my own ideas.
3.27.13