“Healing”

familyI don’t think I’ll ever understand losing someone. 9 and a half months since we lost Matt and today it feels like yesterday. I cry about my father so rarely that it scares me; I fear Matt will be in the back of my mind with my Dad sometime.

I wonder when it happens. “Healing”. What does that even mean?

It’s not healing, it’s more like suffocating the fear and longing for enough time that you can breathe on your own, but what is that life? It’s still a life without.

I remember bawling so vividly.

I’ve had so much pain in my life, which has all made me who I am today.

I know I’m blessed.

I know without my hurt, I would not be able to love as wholeheartedly and intensely as I do. I know everything happens for a reason. I just wish there wasn’t so much sadness in the world. I just love everyone so much.

But life is full circle.
August 18, 2011

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